It's not rape if they both say yes.

In lieu of the recent “slut walks” and the events that led to them, I’ve decided to write again.(Three cheers for me!)

Rape apologists, that is, people who blame the victim, people who claim that dressing provocatively, having tattoos, drinking, flirting, wearing stiletto heels, having piercings, etc, make it the victims fault, piss me off.

If someone dresses provocatively, she is more likely to be bitched about, she is more likely to be stared at, she is more likely to be talked about, she is maybe even more likely to be hit on, but she is not more likely to be raped.

I’m not going to quote statistics on rape, mainly because I hate statistics, but you can believe me (and if you don’t, google it) that how someone dresses has little to no impact on whether or not they will be raped. The other reason why I’m not going to quote statistics is because they are still so imprecise. Female-female, male-male, and female-male rape is almost entirely excluded, such cases almost never get reported, and when they do they aren’t taken seriously.

We live in a society that teaches us not to get raped, rather than not to rape.

We live in a society that blames the victim, a society that still suffers from the delusion that the victim could have been “asking for it”.

Now, either I have a completely different understanding of the English language than apologists, or apologists are just fucking crazy. See, I was under the impression that, “Please fuck me!” and “No, get the fuck away from me!” mean two entirely different things.

What we tend to forget is that no one asks to be raped. No one.

A girl who enjoys sex, who has had several sexual partners, is not asking for it. If you approach her, and she say’s no, then she probably means no. She might have had many guys before you, but she doesn’t want you. If you force her into having sex with you, then it’s rape.

A girl who you’re dating, who you’ve had consensual sex with hundreds of times, says no and you force her to have sex with you? That’s rape.

A girl walking outside at night alone, is not asking for it. If you hit her on the head, even by accident, and then fuck her, assuming that she would have said yes had she been conscious? That’s rape.

A drunk girl might have consensual sex with you because her decision making is being influenced by the alcohol, in that case, lucky you. But if she says no, it’s rape. If she’s so drunk, that she doesn’t know what is going on, then that’s rape too.

A girl wearing provocative clothing is not asking for it either. She may be signaling that she wants sex; she may just not want it with you. In that case, if you have sex with her, it’s rape.

“It turned her on,” is not an acceptable excuse either. Chances are, her body is betraying her. So…when your fingers manhandled her breasts, her nipples hardened? Thus she is enjoying it? WRONG. If she is telling you to stop, then the excuse that “her body was saying something else” is not a justification. It’s still rape.

If she says no, if she pushes you away, if she TRIES to push you away, if she asks you to stop, if you’ve drugged her, if she is in any way incapable of giving her consent, then it’s rape.

Rape is about dominance, rape is about control. Being raped shames the victim, rape is an invasion. And then, having been raped, if the victim is brave enough to speak out, we proceed to shame them more. We blame them. We try and make them believe, that it was their fault. This makes no sense to me.

Men especially have a hard time admitting that they were raped, and who can blame them? The rare cases that do let on that they were raped get called pussies, they get teased, their masculinity is questioned, they are asked why they didn’t fight, they get asked whether they enjoyed it.

Men are supposed to want sex, constantly, irrelevant of anything else. If a gay man rapes a gay man, then how is that rape? They’re both men, they both want sex. If a woman rapes a man, then how is that rape? He’s getting laid, that’s not rape, right? If a gay man rapes a straight man…then there might be a slight outrage, because, well, homosexuality is bad and leads to sinners, this proves it. But in the end, the straight guy was probably a little bi-curious, otherwise he would have just fought him off. These are men we’re talking about.

Women get raped because they are weak and because they were asking for it.

Men are strong, they don’t get raped.

Everyone knows that.

OMG (what has the world come to?)

LINK: Rebecca Black- Friday

WTF is this even?? There is so much wrong with this 'song'...words fail me.

I'm happy to hear that 13year olds can recite the days of the week, obviously the education system is working....the music industry however? Not so much. It's hit rock bottom.

Also, not to come off as extremely prude or old-fashioned but what exactly are 13? 12? 11? year olds doing out on a friday night, in a convertible?
And Usher? Paedophile-rapper?? Why is he hoisting all these children on us? Do we seem like some sort of baby-sitters club for wannabe teens. ? Ugh!!

LINK: Jenna Rose- O.M.G.

It's an epidemic. This girl is twelve. And this song, seems to have been made for the sole purpose of making the lives of paedophiles easier. I honestly don't know whether to cry or just be glad that I had the childhood I had. "Take a picture baby, no need for staring.......shake that boom boom" WTF is this? SHE IS TWELVE.She has no 'boom boom' I don't blame her, it's the parents and the industry that I blame. Her parents deserve to be locked up. That is their frigging daughter up there, dancing and shaking her boom boom. Need I repeat that the girl is twelve? Her parents require some sort of shock therapy, although one would assume that this is enough. She's living the teenage dream...but a little too soon.

Did NOBODY on the production team ever stop to think, "Gee...perhaps this song is NOT suitable for a 12 year old to sing with a team of child-strippers"?

Also what is with the sort of 'let's have sex' hand motion she keeps making toward the end?

LINK: Jenna Rose-My Jeans

This was her first song, as far as I can tell. It sounds like someone did a mashup of Teenage Dream and Friday.

When we thought Hannah Montana or Justin Bieber or the likes of them were bad, well...it seems to hitting new lows.

It's not even her talent that I want to put in question. I'm not going to waste my time saying that she can't sing, or that she has auto tune to thank. It's the fact that her songs are nothing but a pedophiles dream come true. YAY! Now there's no need to sign up for illegal child-porn sites, youtube and mtv brings it all!

I honestly don't have a problem with the fact that there is sexy (?) dancing in a music video, I'm in no way prude, but when little children are the performers, you wonder what the world is coming to.

~AW

Opinions? What do YOU think about this new genre of child strippers stars???

Project Feel Good

Salvete!

In an attempt to carry on from where I left off previously, the written form of the popular sitcom-recap, I'm going to talk about stress, why I dislike it and what I have decided to do to keep it to a minimum in my life.

After observing that my surroundings seem to be perpetually unsatisfied with themselves, and noticing that my own disposition is rarely what I wish of it, I have taken the decision to start Project Feel Good.

This post is going to encompass the guidelines of my idea, which I hope to be the stepping stone to my own happiness, and perhaps, the happiness of my fellow humans.

1. Each day, take some time for yourself; anything from a few minutes to an hour. In this time, do something that makes you happy, something that makes you feel good about yourself. Paint a picture, write a song, go for a walk, run, swim, paint your nails, imitate bird-sounds. It's irrelevant what you do; as long as it fulfills you and makes you happy.

This should not be mere procrastination time. The difference being that when we procrastinate we put off one task in favour of time-snatchers (facebook, myspace, lamebook, MLIA, failblog....the opportunities are endless); this often leads to one of two options. Either, we waste time until the last minute when we rush and complete it haphazardly, leaving us unsatisfied with the result, stressed out and upset over our lack of self-control in making use of time. Or, we don't do the task at all, which leaves us stressed out over possible repurcussions and upset over our lack of self-control in making use of time. Both of these options leave us feeling demotivated and unsatisfied.
Project Feel Good should not make us feel worse about ourselves, this should be time used effectively to regain our stamina and self-worth.

2 Do something you love. Ignore those that scoff, those that ridicule or put you down. You enjoy counting blades of grass? Don't expect me to join, but by all means go ahead and do it.

There will always be those that consider it their part in life to criticise and point out the flaws of any plan, to point out the weaknesses in an idea and to draw attention to failure. You Time should not be based on such peoples opinions. You Time needs to be about yourself. One hour or half an hour a day set aside for being egotistic.

Which brings us to an important point:


3 Project Feel Good is not an excuse to trample on someone else. The following is not a valid argument: Destroying Person's stamp collection, makes me feel good. Thus I am allowed to do so.

Though Project Feel Good requires a healthy amount of egoism, even encourages it, it does not also require us to be selfish.

4 Take a fixed day, let us say...Wednesday...Every Wednesday, make a list of things that made you smile during the week. Anything, from a really good joke to a dog chasing it's tale to someone telling you they love you. A strong hug or a kind smile. A pound gained or lost. Anything that made you feel good.
Share this list with someone. Post it as a reply, show your best friend, blog, make a fb-note. It doesn't matter how as long as you just share the love.

5 Share Project Feel Good with your family, your friends, your class-mates, your teachers, your colleagues, your boss....spread the word, share the love.

Perhaps I can't change the world, but together we can make a difference!

Love,

Amber

Stressful Procrastination

Aloha!

I don't really know where to start today. I don't really have one major thing to talk about, just many little ideas.

For one thing, I've noticed our generation often does things half-heartedly, living by the crossbar equation: less effort for more results. Trying our best to out-smart the system. We work so hard at procrastinating that we have almost perfected it. Someone once said, that what we do while procrastinating is what we should be doing for the rest of our lives. Wise words; but how does one justify doing nothing for the rest of your life? It's no longer art that we bring to perfection while procrastinating, it's procrastination itself that we perfect to an art.

Our closest companion is stress and time eludes us; as though stolen by the grey people in 'Momo'(~Michael Ende). We wander through our holidays, gazing transfixed through our camera lens, documenting every crack in the sidewalk, every building, every smile and every frown. Rushing through it, afraid of missing out on some grand sight. Missing out on everything that we don't capture on camera.

"What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare"Leisure~W.H.Davies

It seems to me, quite often, that we are all trying to outdo us, no longer competing with others but instead trying to defeat ourselves.

At a first glance, that sounds reasonable, left on its own it almost begs for someone to point out, "I no longer compare myself to others, I merely try to test my own borders."

Fair enough I suppose; in theory, but in real life we need to learn how to say no. If we don't want others to infringe upon our physical borders, we need to remember not to infringe upon our own mental borders. A minute only has sixty seconds. Attempting to squeeze in sixty-two or seventy, makes no sense. Otherwise, we'll all end up looking like this:

In the words of Homer, "Trying, is the first step to failure." but, "Failure is the first step to success." So really, our irrational, gripping fear of failure, is unnecessary. Why should we constantly fear what we need in order to improve?

Is anything really that life-shatteringly important that if we don't immediately succeed, we can't just try again?

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying we shouldn't try; after all, "The heights of great men, reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept were toiling upwards in the night"~H.W.Longfellow

But if we fail, or fall back down, what is the use in spending time on worthless lamenting or wasted tears, instead we should get up and start again, one step at a time.

While walking around town, I can't help but notice that there are very few people that smile. Those that do smile are, more often than not, couples or newly weds. It's sad really, that when one smiles at a passer by, they will look down and hurry past. Afraid.

Smile at a stranger, you might make their day.

Hug a friend, you might save them.

Perhaps I can't change the world, but together we can make a difference!

Love,

Amber

Never Again...Until Tomorrow

Hello World!

Recent political events here in Europe are what's been bothering me lately. So guess who has the pleasure of reading another one of my tirades? That's right, you guys!

It seems to me, as though the world is going completely insane.

• First of all, the whole: Burka-Hijab ban.

Okay, so while I can kind of understand why people may want to ban the burka, and are afraid of something like this occurring:

I don't think it's going to inspire much change in the world. In my opinion, there are three things that are likely to happen as a direct result of this:

1. It will incur the wrath of religious fanatics all over the world.

2. The richer Muslims visiting Europe will just pay the fine and still make their wives wear the Burka

3. Those Muslims living in Europe who insist on wearing the Burka will just forbid the women to go out of the house, making them more oppressed than they are at this point in time.

I can understand the safety issues and that employers may not want people with a Burka working in public service or sales jobs. But a complete ban is ridiculous.

As for banning the Hijab; come on. Seriously?

I'm still waiting for an adequate explanation as to why those states that ban the Hijab, don't ban the nuns Habit. Or in fact, an adequate explanation as to why anyone would want to ban a headscarf in the first place.

I really don't see much of a difference.

For that matter, while we're going about banning headgear, how about banning this as well:

Seriously, how far are we willing to go?

• Secondly, Sarkozy and his ethnic cleansing.

What is up with that guy? I'm going to take the freedom of assuming that he's escaped from some sort of madhouse. He's of Greek-Jewish/Hungarian/Roman Catholic descent and he still thinks it's a good idea to repeat world war two actions?

Has this guy entered politics without ever reading a history book?

Is 'Never Again' something selective? Can one really pick and choose where it applies and to whom?

• Finally, the situation here in Vienna: H.C. Strache and the elections.

Scandal over scandal, year after year, that's what our FPÖ has to offer. (FPÖ=Freedom Party, or alternatively, Fascist Party)

The frightening thing, is that these blithering idiots actually manage to gain voters. Sarkozy is the president, Strache is raising the number of votes for his party...from the lowest to probably the second highest. (According to election prognosis)

We need to vote against these buffoons. WE need to ensure that they don't get the lead.

I am aware that politics are messy affairs, and none of them are perfect...but in the words of George Orwell "All animals are equal (ly stupid), but some animals are more equal stupid"

Maybe I can't change the world, but together we can make a difference!

Love,

Amber

The Value of Death

Greetings!

As mentioned earlier, I am not an idealist. I don't believe in the perfect situation. I am fully aware, that what seems to me as the perfect situation will be hated by many others.

This post may seem to many as the ravings of a delusional idealist. I just hope that some people might read this and then open their eyes to the world. See what is going on, not only in their own home but around them. And not just around them, around us. There is more to the world than I. There is You and We and They and He and She and It. And none of these are less important than the I.

Recently, I have been speaking to a lot of people about my ideas, hopes and dreams. I get very mixed replies, ranging from: "Good idea" to "Fantastic!" to "There's no use"

Now, some of these replies surprise me, not because I expect everyone to be enthusiastic, but because it shames me to see how apathetic my generation is.

A common response is: "I live my life to the best of my abilities, I try and do the best for me and my surroundings. I don't think much about the rest."

Why not though? Why do we find it so hard to think of other people, people who we are not involved with in any way?

The world is quick to turn a blind eye, until we are the ones struck. As long as there are other people, unknown people far away, dying, no one cares. The only people the world really seems to care about, are those that are already dead.

While people are alive and being murdered, the most people will do is say, "Oh, how terrible!" and then continue doing what they were doing.

However, after the damage is irreparable, we cry and complain for decades.

Today, more than 60 years after the Second World War(1939-1945), we still go to marches and memorials and shout, "Never Forget!" and "Never Again!" and swear that such atrocities will never again occur.

Today, we hear the story of the Rwandan Genocide(1994), and gasp at its terror. Tears come to our eyes when we hear how the rest of the world did nothing to attempt to stop it.

Even today, we are taught to remember the victims and to never again allow something like this.

At the time, no one cared.

Hitlers victims were ignored until the Allies feared that they were in danger.

It's not Chamberlains policy of appeasement that I want to criticise, it's always easy to use hindsight as a basis of criticism. I don't even want to criticise the population at the time, who were apathetic until their world seemed affected. I don't want to criticise anybody, I just hope that we don't repeat histories mistakes.

The pleas of the Tutsi, whose children were slaughtered in order to wipe out the next generation, were ignored. Why? Because Rwanda was of no economic value. Who cared that over 800,000 people were killed in 3 months? No-one.As long as they only killed each other, who cared that the population of a poor African country was reduced by about 20%?

Today, who cares that Tibetans are being ruthlessly murdered? No one.

How many people even know about it? Far too few.

Once again, an economic superpower is devastating a tiny state of no economic importance. And once again, the world looks away.

What use is it, to say Never Again if we don't mean it?

What I say, seems to many like a criticism of capitalism. It isn't. There is little that I have to complain about capitalism. It isn't the capitalist politicians that we all love to complain about that are to blame. We are.

One of the things I love about capitalism, is the democracy it brings with it.

What people don't seem to realise is that all the time we spend complaining about politics, is time wasted. Politics and politicians will never change. However, we have the power to control it.

What most of us forget, is that politicians can only do whatever they want, while we ignore them. We are the voters, if we don't like what politicians are doing, we need to say something.

I want to draw the attention of the reader to the 1960s, for a moment. A whole nation rising to its feet, to protest a war. A whole nation of voters making it clear that they disagreed with the politics of their leaders.

And although it took its time, they were successful. With the realisation that they were losing voters, the Americans began to retreat. The peace revolts may not have been the sole reason for the end of the war, but they were an important factor.**

It seems to me, that the value of life in todays world, is far lower than the value of the dead.

This needs to change.

Politicians need to wake up and see what they are doing.

WE need to wake up and realise that we need to make the difference, we are the difference.

Todays Task:

• Find out more about Tibet.
• Find out more about another country or people who are being unjustly treated.
• Tell your friends and family about the above.
• Try, and make a difference. Influence the politics in your own country, state, town or quarter. Every little thing counts.
• Pass on this blog. Show it to your family, your friends, your co-workers and your boss.

Love,

Amber

**I would like to add that in my opinion there is never only one factor resulting in the beginning or end of a war. But many contributing ones.

When I Grow Up, I Want To Be....A Little Girl!

Aloha!

The future is a blank canvas that lies ahead, awaiting the strokes of our paintbrushes. Or something.

What is the future? Whatever it is, thinking about it takes up a lot of time. Most people, especially young people, spend hours, thinking about their future. Wondering. Worrying. Hoping.

And when we stop thinking about it for a few minutes, somebody decides to ask us that horrifying question, "So, what do you plan on doing in the future?"

"Adults are always asking kis what they want to be when they grow up, because they're looking for ideas." ~Paula Poundstone

Some of us have well rehearsed answers, others resort to desperate measures and invent something on the spot, still others use the standardised, "I don't know."

What I've observed, is that no matter what answer we choose to give, the interviewer is dissatisfied.

When we give self-assured, detailed plans in reply, the person asking the questions will

acquire a small, smug smile and tell us how 'cute' it is that we have a plan, but to 'remember that everything comes as it comes and not to be surprised if it doesn't happen the way we expect.'

When we fumble, nervously the older person will pat us on the back, tell us not to worry, but to remember that as young adults it is time for us to start thinking about our future.

When we fail entirely, and say, 'I don't know' all hell breaks loose. My advice to you, is never use this reply. It results in a long winded lecture on how it is 'high time to think about the future' and 'to plan now, so that we can begin steering in the correct direction' and similar useless words of wisdom.

Most of us want similar things in life, Maslow (Hierarchy of Needs) and Jung ( Tree of Self-Actualisation) jump to mind; job security, love, financial safety, a family, a place to stay, etc... And most of us, wish that we could tell now, at least in some degree of certainty that success lies ahead.

People say, that we need to go to school to learn, so that our futures are brighter. And I agree. School is important. Immensely important. In fact, schooling needs to be taken seriously again.

It seems to me, as though school has become a sort of joke.

There are many things wrong with the schooling system around the world, but one of the worst problems, is the lack of teachers.

Now, of course the number of people with teaching degrees has increased in recent years, as people realised that there is a high demand for teachers. But, this is where I need to clarify what I consider to be a teacher.

In my opinion, a teacher is not someone who merely has a degree in teaching.

Teachers, need to be people who have a passion for teaching and for the subject they teach. Someone who has patience, and interest. I have noticed, that the more interest the teacher show in his/her subject, the more interest it inspires in me.

The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires. ~William Arthur Ward

What I have observed a lot, are teachers that appear uninterested in what they have to teach and often, even don't appear to know much about the field they teach, except what is written in the text book. These teachers are often huge disappointments for students who are genuinely interested in the subject, and often lead to a loss of interest. On the other hand, a teacher who seems to be a never ending source of information can wake the interest, of most students, in any subject.

Teaching is the only major occupation of man for which we have not yet developed tools that make an average person capable of competence and performance. In teaching we rely on the "naturals," the ones who somehow know how to teach. ~Peter Drucker

It seems to me, that teaching as a profession, has in todays society been classed as a 'failure-profession'.

Far too often, does one hear a teacher say, 'I wanted to be a ______, but I failed, so I decided to teach instead!'

I can't fathom why this is the case, and I think, that this needs to be changed as soon as possible if we want to get further. I won't take the cop out road, and blame all of societies problems on teachers, but I do think that several of our problems could be reduced if we had better teachers.

So, if we don't have good teachers, we're not going to have good professionals in anything else. Which means our infrastructure is going to, sooner or later, collapse.

I think, it is time that teaching returns to it's post as the most important, well regarded, profession.

In ancient India, teachers were held in equal and higher regard than the King, because when the King was in doubt, he went to teachers or 'gurus' as they are called, for advice. Today, in the civilised world, teachers are not respected at all.

"Teaching should be full of ideas, not stuffed with facts. ~Unknown"

Intelligence, like beauty, should not be measured. Why must we all be tested and scored and then compared to one another constantly? Why must weaknesses immediately be seen as failure?

Each and every one of us has strengths and weaknesses. And we are all equally good at things, just different things.

My ability to remember things should not be set in contrast with someone else's ability to paint or sing or clean. Perhaps I excel at standardised tests and examinations, but someone else makes an excellent sandwich. Does that make me in any way better than the other person? I don't think so. I think it just makes us both good at different things.

It is my belief, that none of us have more 'talent' than anybody else. We are all equally talented, just in different ways.

You don't compare Picasso to Mozart, or either of them to Einstein, so why should you compare a mathematician to a cook, or a pianist to a cleaner, or an author to a doctor?
The only way for us to have a happy future, is to find out what we can do and what we like doing.It is what will make you happiest and most successful.

Todays Task:

• Think about what you do best. Make a list. Think of what you enjoy the doing the most. Then do it.
• Tell someone else what they do well. Compliment them. It can be anything that they do. or have done No matter how insignificant it may appear. Whether it is how they are good listeners, good cooks, how they take time to arrange the napkins on the table or the cushions on the couch or how they are good artists or writers or how they can make you laugh. Anything that they do well. Mention it.

Maybe I can't change the world, but together we can make a difference!!

Love,

Amber